My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
