So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
