what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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