it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
