tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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