Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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