She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
