my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
