I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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