Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
