apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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