i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
