I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
