Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
