Jerry, you need to find god
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
