fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I currently don't understand fingers.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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