Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
