He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
