Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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