My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
