I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
