How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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