Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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