I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
