..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
