I bet he comes in French.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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