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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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