Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
