Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
