we have pet lesbian snakes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
