The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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