good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
