So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
