Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
