Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
