I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
