I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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