Why are handjobs necessary in class?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
