Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
