if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want to walk on stilts...naked
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have post one night stand depression
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
