i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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