I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
