why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
