Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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