I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
