Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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