Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
