I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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