literally had 100 drinks last night.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
