I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
