Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
